Dreams of being the ultimate picture of health!

The other day we were measuring our blood pressure, pulse, and blood glucose levels at college. And well, needless to say, I am not exactly a picture of health!

I had a resting pulse of a whopping 119bpm (that's beats per minute for those non-medical folk out there) without the use of caffeine or any other stimulants, I wasn't in any overwhelming pain (just the usual headache because all that knowledge just doesn't have anywhere to go! *chortle*) so really there shouldn't be any excuse as to why my pulse was that high! 

I came to the conclusion that I was just really, really, really, incredibly unfit!

So today  I decided I'd do what any unhealthy and unfit person would do... I went to the fish 'n' chip shop, and bought myself a deep fried fish, and a jam wrap... then I felt overwhelmingly guilty and  went for a half hour run (if you could call it that!) and needless to say, it turned into disaster! 10 minutes of running I felt as though I was going to throw up pass out and surely die!

My run soon turned into a light jog... a walk....then a mere dawdle! So much for that idea!

I think I may have been just a tad over ambitious for my level of fitness! And not to mention I don't think eating a fish (not the healthy sort) and a jam wrap beforehand was such a great idea... actually come to think of it.... perhaps eating food from the fish 'n' chip shop isn't such a great idea at all!

A lesson learned today... and hard lesson to learn at that!

I'm pooped!!

p.s. Did you notice I labelled my blog this time? Oh I am so clever!!

Well hello there Tectonic Plates... We meet again!

Here's my little grizzle for the evening... I AM SO OVER THESE AFTERSHOCKS!!!!!!!"

 The last couple of days we've been getting a fair few, but tonight we had a real hum-dinger...although we are somewhat getting used to them, tonight was an exception... It got me out of bed that's for sure and needless to say I did what any other unsuspecting Cantabrian would do... I got on the floor crawled in the fetal position and cried for my mummy! (OK maybe that's a slight exaggeration... but I was wise enough to get on the floor next to bed and covered my head and waited for the shaking to stop)

A 5.5 may seem rather small but have a look  here and you'll see that even a so called "small quake" can be felt from a fair way... it knocked out the phone line for a while over where my parents live but thankfully the power didn't go out... but if you think that's bad... spare a thought for our friends in Japan and what they must be going through... if we're still getting this many aftershocks I imagine they must be getting a fair few as well!

All in all....I think we will all be glad when the ground stops shaking beneath us... and when our city has been rebuilt to its' former glory! I miss strolling through town... especially the market in the square I miss my favourite restaurant (The Hunny Pot)... and buying $2 fried rice.... I sometimes even miss my shitty old apartment and the resident mice that would eat our washing powder and then keel over and die on our living room floor (delightful!)!

Oh well... apparently The Hunny Pot and the place that sells $2 rice has reopened somewhere else in the city with somewhat stable-ish ground.... so all is not lost...

p.s. Just so you know the date on my blog is wrong... today is the 9th of October and it is exactly 10.34pm.... but I think I will leave it just as it is... as it gives the impression I can time travel! Now wouldn't that be cool!!! 

If you can dodge a spanner, then you can dodge my enzymes!

Well it's been a while since I posted a blog last... mainly for two simple reasons.... 1) I'm lazy and 2) my internet was non-existent for a day or so! (now fixed with many great thanks to my man-thing... apparently the cable had fallen out of the back of wireless modem! Go figure!)

Here's an update from where I left off from the last few posts:-

-My blistered mouth has healed up rather nicely and I was able to enjoy another meat-lovers pizza once again... (minus incinerating my taste buds! WIN!)

-My artistic agar was a complete fail... it just so turns out my mouth is exceptionally clean... I think it had something to do with  the pepsi I shared with my man-thing during my lunch break. Pepsi has a pH which is just a step down from being right up there with battery acid! which probably nuked all those bacterial bastards, taking away the enamel of my teeth along with it! But hey who needs tooth enamel these days?

-The butterfly is still at large.... dead or alive? I'm not sure....

- I still haven't slept properly, I'm beginning to think that perhaps I'm slowly morphing into a morepawk! However I'm currently in the midst of a massive creative fling... which is good because it means I can waste time "productively"

-I've officially finished my clinical placement... t'is a bit sad really... I was really enjoying myself too... one of the nurses I worked with let me stab people with needles and flush PEG feeds, and another let me take part in wound dressings... all that fun nursie stuff that students just love getting their hands on!

-I'm currently on school holidays starting from today! however a holiday it is not... as I will be spending most of it either hacking through my Mt Everest of a washing pile and cleaning my pig sty of a kitchen while I avoid doing my research assignment.... then I will panic during the last few days left of "holidays" getting the presentation written up.... I can see it now! (I am a psychic you know... with the potential of a career in fortune telling... it's runs in the blood!)

-And...... I've nearly finished college for good... just a few more weeks left...  a few more exams next term... and Sayōnara college FOREVER!! (then in theory onto bigger and better things with the college of nursing... here's hoping! *crosses fingers and toes*)

Just incase you were wondering what on earth is up with the random title... it's actually an in joke... and when I say "in" joke... I mean I'm practically the only one who gets it... (I'm good like that, see the egalatarian jelly-bean punchline). Basically the biology tutor was explaining extra cellular digestion in class the other day... and she said (in her words not mine) "Bacteria and Fungi just throw out enzymes"....I automatically thought of dodgeball (both the game and the movie) I mean who wouldn't connect the dots right??  now do you see the connection? No? I thought not! and even if you did I doubt you would find it as funny as I do... *siiiiighheeee*

Thermo-nuclear pizza

Sometimes I forget to eat.. I get so tied in mindless bollocks that eating dinner is the last thing on my mind.

Anyhow tonight as my belly let out an almighty grumble, I soon realised I had forgotten to do just that, feed myself and it was nearing midnight!
 
So what better thing to do, than to wander off to the local pizza parlour to get myself a freshly baked pizza (yes they were open! at midnight!!).

My brain clearly needed the calories and on the brink of starvation, I attempted to wolf down my freshly baked pizza as I dodged the partying drunks on the way home. During the whole process, I somehow managed to burn both my fingers, and my mouth (now sporting some impressive blisters by the way!)

Now my hard earned pizza taste like shit and my favourite hobby has been ruined! URGH! (for tonight at least!)

All is not lost however, I rummaged around in my drug box containing all my lotions and potions and found myself a tube of difflam mouth gel which I bought last year for my dick headed wisdom tooth that decided that it was going to impact rather than rear its ugly head properly! There's a fair amount of it left, and it actually tastes rather nice!

For now I think I might just put the rest of my pizza (now cold and somewhat edible) in the fridge to have for a healthy breakfast tomorrow... oh how I love student living! 

Artistic Agar!

Depsite my massive brain fart in my drug calc exam today I had an overall good day!

I think what made it awesome was culturing some bacteria from my mouth onto an agar plate! I simply can't wait to see what the little beggars look like after being in the incubator for around three days!

And that has been about as exciting my day gets today! Oh I also had lunch with the Snift in the park and found a butterfly which I picked up (still alive) and took it into the lab... it then mysteriously dissapeared!

So who knows we might end up going back to class to find a monster butterfly, as it would have eaten some chemicals and mutated.... that is afterall what happens in the movies! Perhaps that's what the mayans were on about with the whole 2012 blah-blah! I can see it in the papers now "Massive monstrous buttefly kills 1000's"

Sleep is for the Weak!

They say that the worlds best thinkers and inventors had terrible insomnia. They also say that most of them were a little bit loopy as well. (which explains a lot!)

I like to think that I'm occassionally, pretty good at thinking, for example, "breathing is good for my general health and well- being"

I am what some people would refer to as "a creative tangential thinker" who can't seem to curb the connection between what is said in my head and what is said out loud... for example during one of my classes when learning about ratio's, an example of jelly bean flavours was used. I saw this as a fantastic opportunity to bring up the economic status of New Zealand and the increasing gap between the 'haves" and "have nots" It was an excellent moment to bring up the topic of egalitarianism. However other people in my class couldn't connect the dots and needless to say I was surrounded by a bunch of ditzy young women with blank expressions on their faces!
I tried so terribly hard to redeem myself,  much to my dissmay. I actually thought it was hilarious, but as I told other people with a higher intellelect than me, I soon realised that what I had said was bordering on the verge of sounding slightly bonkers. In hindsight I should have kept that little moment to myself!

Late nights such as this, I like to think about all sorts of things, seek the meaning of life, that sort of thing... I always seem to have an epiphany of some sort for example... if we ("normal" clothed people) have strip tease, then what do nudists have as an alternative... dress tease? where they get dressed in a seductive manner?... it's kind of like the difference between a dinosaur that eats meat and one that eats tofu...

And quite often during these late night speals we get those jolly aftershocks! Like just now!  I wouldn't have felt it if I had of been asleep and I doubt I'll be able to sleep now...Stupid tectonic plates, making me nervous... and I have clinical placement tomorrow! URGH!!

Dancing in the moonlight with my midnight Mi Goreng!

In all seriousness, Mi Goreng noodles are AWESOME!

They are like little strands of heavenly goodness, cooked in the sweat of a million unicorns, seasoned by the best seasoners with rare herbs and spices only found in the Himalayas on a Wednesday, but only when there is a full moon, and when Uranus is lined up with Jupiter and Pluto, at an exact 45.4567degree angle (otherwise it would just taste like camel shit and it wouldn't be Mi Goreng!)

Here are my top five other reasons as to why Mi Goreng makes the best midnight snack:

1. They are super easy to prepare, zap in the microwave for a couple of minutes and voila! Instant hot food for those cold lonely nights when your flatmate is snoring away in the room next to you!

2. Best Post-drome/Hangover food EVER! Even when you still feel as though your head is nailed to a block of wood and you're going to barf up your upper digestive tract, Mi Goreng is always there to comfort you!(suprisingly you won't barf it back up! It's a miracle food!)

3. Mi Goreng is non-judgemental, it doesn't give a flying  fart in a vacuum cleaner as to what you're wearing, how you act or any of that shit that people get all angsty about these days. It loves you for who you truly are!

4. Mi Goreng is "unsuitable for vegetarians and vegans" because of the flavour enhancer 631(which is derived from meat) so you can tell your insomniac vego friends to go f*ck themselves!

5. It's full of anti-oxidants! (OK so I made that bit up...but who cares... it's so badass that even Chuck Norris flavoured noodles  can't compare with Mi Goreng!)

And there you have it.... Mi Goreng is just plain made of f*cking AWESOME!

p.s. somebody ate all my chocolate! bastards!

My farts can bring all the boys to the yard, and they're like "Sniff! Sniff! Aahh!"

It wasn't until the other night that I discovered the meaning of "Flatulophillia". Unearthing my curiousity for all things strange and obscure I looked into it further.

For those of you out there who don't know what it is, " Flatulophilia is  the term coined to describe a sexual obsession with flatulence." 

So basically in short it means people who are pretty much turned on by the smell, sound and basically everything to do with those potent gases expelled from ye friendly ol' bum hole!

During my internet adventures I came across a website for Brazillian Fart Erotica, needless to say I was rather intrigued by how these attractive young Brazillian women could "get off" on the smell and sound of the humble fart... it beats me... each to their own I guess..

Needless to say I have been enlightened by this new found knowledge of this obscure subculture, and I hope you have been too!

I mean seriously... look it up!