The Story of Robert Schnozz-Bottom and the Mysterious Nose Picker

With my laptop currently out of working order, with all of my unpublished work still on it *runs away and cries* I am so thankful for the Snift who is rather computer savvy. He has promised me that he's going to take out the hard drive thingy and back everything up so I can eventually get my books published. He has also given me access to his computer to check my email etc and to fulfill my urges to check my facebook every five minutes and post on here as well... Oh I do have such a lovely man indeed!

I'm on another children's book writing fad, I'm actually pretty excited about this one...I've been inspired by the little creeps whom I teach at work and I aim to get them involved as much as possible, story telling is a great opportunity to exercise their creativity and imagination while it's so fresh!

Currently I'm working on a story about "Robert Schnozz-Bottom and the Mysterious Nose-Picker" I think the title says it all really!  I'm having to write the old fashioned way (with pen and paper) as fast as my little hands will go!

I was playing a word game with the children at the kai-table during afternoon tea, it goes along the lines of "I'm going to have (insert something absurd here) for tea tonight" and eventually we got onto the topic of interesting inventions and how they benefit our lives, then we set about coming up with crazy ideas for inventions and thus came the "nose-picker".


I simply love their ideas and I love tapping their little brains for cool ideas for writing and even crafting as well.

Ashes to ashes... Dust to dust....

Tonight I have well and truly stuffed my laptop, so much so thatim currently typing this post from my iPad (so please excuse the typos) I mean I stuffed it a long time ago really, when I left it going one night sitting on a blanket. It overheated and the fan melted, since that frightful night my laptop has been making a sickening grinding sound whnever I turn it on! It has also had various bits ans pieces fall off it, nooner until recently it only worked when I plugged it in and jiggled the cable from time to time (otherwise the battery will literally last five seconds) Tonight I feel I should probably hold a funeral for my humble laptop as now it is saying that is corrupted and wont even start up! It has served me well, putting up with years of abuse, spilt food and drink all over ghe keyboard, dropping it from time to time, throwing it at a wall out of fit of rage and also ripping the audio jack one night during an aftershock. It has seen me create masterpieces of academic writing seeing me through one and a half semesters of bible college with a B+ average, my children's books, and also kept me company on the cold lonely nights that are so common these days... I'm not sure if I should bury it or cremate it, but then again, judging by the sound the fan makes and the fact that it gets so hot on the keyboard, it could probably cremate itself! I'm sad to say, that this may be time to say goodbye once and for all to my first laptop, my first largely overpriced investment.... It has been a real milestone! From this day forward I will treat technology with the respect it deserves!

Peanut butter, raspberry bun... I wanna go for a friggin' run!

1am and it's freezing! Thankfully I have my radioactive, thermo-nuclear laptop with a munted fan keeping me warm, while my man-thing is at work in Wellywood... Personally I think I prefer snuggling up to my man-thing, he smells nice!

Our crazed-over-the-top-about-cleaning- flatmates have bailed on us, giving us only a couple days notice that they wanted to leave which is lame as brains considering our lease is a month by month contract!

I've loved living in luxury, with a fancy pant's big bedroom and ensuite, huge sunny living area and just the general nice-ness of this house... I especially like the sensor lights in the hall-way, an ingenius invention really, great for clumsy people such as myself who have trouble fumbling around in the dark searching for a light switch!

But all flatting dreams must come to an end eventually, so the man-thing and I are on the move again... *sigh*  into his mummy's place for a little while while he and I save up our pennies to buy a fancy-pants place for oursevles!(exciting!!)

It should be rather nice to move in with the man-things' Whanau, we've even been offered home-cooked dinners on the weekdays! Now that's what I call living!!

Mother's are simply godesses in the kitchen! I know my mum is! Her fabulous caseroles, chocolate puddings, and my favourite in winter, home-made soups are simply to die for!

My childhood is filled with pleasurable memories of tantilising food! Mum has the capability to turn the shittiest foods that I absolutely hate with a vegence (i.e. brussels sprouts and corn) into tasty morsels of pure love!

With her magical machine that takes the yucky vegetables out, she conquers those foul tasting vegetables and she makes food that not only nourishes my body, but also nourishes my soul!

I love my mummy, she is an angel!

Sometimes I really miss living at home because of the wonderful food and also the fact that the laundry fairies would visit often and I would have an abundance of clean clothes and bedding but then again I know how much my mummy and daddy need their time together without their children pestering them...

And besides I'm all grown up now!

Well sort of....

Curious, Creepy Creatures

It's been aaaaaages since I posted last!

I stepped into a time machine and was abducted by aliens (not my species which are from planet Ziron) and was anally probed which was rather... enjoyable??

I'm excited to say that I have been up to an awful lot since I posted last, and aside from the whole "world supposedly ending this December" which has recently been debunked, I have recently scored a cool job relief teaching the spawn of the devil himself (a.k.a. 35 psychotic pre-schoolers with sharp pointy teeth)

W hen I refer to the kids I teach as devil spawn I really mean it... One child in particular is predominately the most disturbing when she said to me word for word (I kid you not!) "I wish the magpies would fly down from the trees and poke your eyes out!" and that she had a dream that her and her best friend "pushed all the teachers over and killed them with blood everywhere".... kinda creepy comming from a child who is only four! Thankfully she's off to school soon, I do feel sorry for her teacher who like me will be watching her back occassionally from time to time. The oddly peculiar thing about this one particular child is that she is simply adorable until she opens her mouth, then she becomes just plain straight out CREEPY, the sort where you can picture her smiling, holding a knife over your bed as you sleep and your stifled screams filling the empty air of the night, the sort that you see in a horror film.

I'm told her sort of creepy-ness is completely "normal" for a child her age (I was literally so weirded out by our little talk that I actually had a word with my boss!)I'm told that her little talks are a sort of strategy to gain attention, but to be honest I don't remember saying dreadful things like that to my superiors as a child (or hearing any other kid my age saying crazy shit like that!)

 I must admit that despite the clearly derranged child from time to time, I actually really enjoy this job! Far more than any other! I get paid to play, have fun and basically act like an idiot.... all in the name of learning!

It's not unusual to see me out in the playground on the job sporting a fashionable chicken hat, a dog tail and a pair of fairy wings! ( I love dressups!)

I also get an abundance of cuddles from a select few (the rest are little toe-rags) I told the children that I didn't have any children of my own to give me cuddles and that grown-ups only give me cuddles when I'm sad which isn't very often!

One sweet little girl came up to me, wrapped her wee arms around me and said "It's ok, I'll give you hugs, just because you're you!"   To which point I nearly died inside!! (soo cute!)

Another great thing about being a kindy-teacher is that pre-schoolers do and say the funniest things. I had a little boy follow me to the toilet like a shadow, as soon as I opened the toilet door when I had finished and went to wash my hands there he was, I got such a fright I just about shat myself! He had followed me because he wanted to know what it was I had done "poo's or wee's?"

And the other day a little girl flipped the bird to everyone and informed them that that was her "naughty finger" to which point I literally laughed so hard I snorted my mouthful of tea out of my nostrils! and then on the same day I had a little boy poke me in the chest and innocently ask "Why do you have big boobies? What do they do? They're bigger than my mummy's boobies!!"


Children are curious creatures!