Curious, Creepy Creatures

It's been aaaaaages since I posted last!

I stepped into a time machine and was abducted by aliens (not my species which are from planet Ziron) and was anally probed which was rather... enjoyable??

I'm excited to say that I have been up to an awful lot since I posted last, and aside from the whole "world supposedly ending this December" which has recently been debunked, I have recently scored a cool job relief teaching the spawn of the devil himself (a.k.a. 35 psychotic pre-schoolers with sharp pointy teeth)

W hen I refer to the kids I teach as devil spawn I really mean it... One child in particular is predominately the most disturbing when she said to me word for word (I kid you not!) "I wish the magpies would fly down from the trees and poke your eyes out!" and that she had a dream that her and her best friend "pushed all the teachers over and killed them with blood everywhere".... kinda creepy comming from a child who is only four! Thankfully she's off to school soon, I do feel sorry for her teacher who like me will be watching her back occassionally from time to time. The oddly peculiar thing about this one particular child is that she is simply adorable until she opens her mouth, then she becomes just plain straight out CREEPY, the sort where you can picture her smiling, holding a knife over your bed as you sleep and your stifled screams filling the empty air of the night, the sort that you see in a horror film.

I'm told her sort of creepy-ness is completely "normal" for a child her age (I was literally so weirded out by our little talk that I actually had a word with my boss!)I'm told that her little talks are a sort of strategy to gain attention, but to be honest I don't remember saying dreadful things like that to my superiors as a child (or hearing any other kid my age saying crazy shit like that!)

 I must admit that despite the clearly derranged child from time to time, I actually really enjoy this job! Far more than any other! I get paid to play, have fun and basically act like an idiot.... all in the name of learning!

It's not unusual to see me out in the playground on the job sporting a fashionable chicken hat, a dog tail and a pair of fairy wings! ( I love dressups!)

I also get an abundance of cuddles from a select few (the rest are little toe-rags) I told the children that I didn't have any children of my own to give me cuddles and that grown-ups only give me cuddles when I'm sad which isn't very often!

One sweet little girl came up to me, wrapped her wee arms around me and said "It's ok, I'll give you hugs, just because you're you!"   To which point I nearly died inside!! (soo cute!)

Another great thing about being a kindy-teacher is that pre-schoolers do and say the funniest things. I had a little boy follow me to the toilet like a shadow, as soon as I opened the toilet door when I had finished and went to wash my hands there he was, I got such a fright I just about shat myself! He had followed me because he wanted to know what it was I had done "poo's or wee's?"

And the other day a little girl flipped the bird to everyone and informed them that that was her "naughty finger" to which point I literally laughed so hard I snorted my mouthful of tea out of my nostrils! and then on the same day I had a little boy poke me in the chest and innocently ask "Why do you have big boobies? What do they do? They're bigger than my mummy's boobies!!"


Children are curious creatures!