And the "Wally of the Week" award goes to... *drum roll please*.... ME!
I crawled out of bed this morning later than my usual working day, threw some clothes on and rushed out the door with my vegemite on toast to eat on the way as I sped to work to make it by 8.15am only to get there to realise I had actually been rostered to work from noon onwards.
It was quite a sight really, I burst through the door, huffed and puffed, hair standing on end, looking like I had been dressed by a homeless guy, and probably smelling that way too as I didn't have the time to put on deodorant and brush my teeth and do all that stuff you usually do in the morning before work.
I'm suprised I didn't frighten the children! Mind you, kids these days are exposed to a fair amount of gorey stuff.
Like my dear ol' mum once told me, if you're going to make a dick of
yourself, do it with style! And today that is exactly what I did!
Friday, 22 June 2012
Friday, 8 June 2012
The Epic Tale of Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger and the Magic Hat
Tonight I feel like writing a bedtime story because I'm buzzing with creative flare and I can't sleep... (suprise suprise!!) So here goes...
Once upon a time there lived an alien named Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger. He was indeed a rather lovely alien and was particularly fond of yodelling.
However Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger had a terrible problem,every time he put on his rainbow viking hat and yodelled he would do a purple poo in his pants!
To poo your pants whilst yodelling was what aliens did back on planet Frodo-Ding-Zit and to wear a viking hat while doing it made it all the more special.But all the humans and all the elephants and all the mice who lived on planet Earth didn't like his purple poo, nor did they like his shiny rainbow viking hat!
Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger was very sad. He loved to yodel but couldn't resist the urge to put his viking hat on and do a big, fat, wobbly, jelly-like, purple poo.
So one fine sunny Tuesday in July at six o'clock Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger decided that in order to stop pooing in his pants he needed a new hat. It was just so handy that he happened to be living in a rather fine neighborhood where there was an abundance of exotic hat trees that were just starting to bloom. There had just been a terrible hat famine where no hat could be found in all of Antarctica which was where all finest hats were sourced, so finding a hat or rather having a beautiful abundance of them was a rarity. There were all kinds of wonderful hats, there were little yellow polka dotted hats small enough for a Pray Mantis, there were jelly-bean scented hats perfectly fitted for a domestic cat, and hat shaped hats! Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger was in hat heaven! He skipped and laughed and churped and chuckled as he danced his way down the street trying on all the wonderful exotic hats.
Suddenly an orange box shaped hat with fairy wings darted past him. As it flew past it sprinkled glitter and star shaped biscuit crumbs for the birds who nested in the trees.
"What a fine hat that is!" cried Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger "That looks like the perfect hat to wear during my yodelling practice!"
So he ran as fast as his twenty-eight alien legs would carry him. He ran and ran chasing that marvelous hat until finally he caught it in his tentacle-like fingers.
As he tried on that orange box shaped hat that sprinkled glitter and star shaped biscuit crumbs he was completely and utterly transformed into a green badger. It was a magic hat!
Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger stood and wiggled his new tale and tapped his badger claws together with glee, he'd always wanted to be a badger and being a green badger was even better, as green was rather fashionable and he knew every human and every elephant and every mouse would love him for it!
So he hurried home to his caravan and prepared himself for yodelling practice. He wiggled his tail and began to yodel and as soon as he opened his mouth out came an entire choir of yodelling fleas!
All the humans, and all of the elephants and all of the mice of planet Earth heard Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zaggers choir of fleas and flocked to his caravan to hear them sing.
Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger simply loved being a green badger so much, and having his own choir of yodelling fleas that he wore his magic orange box shaped hat for the rest of his life.
And because he had fleas doing his yodelling for him, he no longer had the urge to poo his pants in public.
It was a dream come true!
THE END!
Once upon a time there lived an alien named Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger. He was indeed a rather lovely alien and was particularly fond of yodelling.
However Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger had a terrible problem,every time he put on his rainbow viking hat and yodelled he would do a purple poo in his pants!
To poo your pants whilst yodelling was what aliens did back on planet Frodo-Ding-Zit and to wear a viking hat while doing it made it all the more special.But all the humans and all the elephants and all the mice who lived on planet Earth didn't like his purple poo, nor did they like his shiny rainbow viking hat!
Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger was very sad. He loved to yodel but couldn't resist the urge to put his viking hat on and do a big, fat, wobbly, jelly-like, purple poo.
So one fine sunny Tuesday in July at six o'clock Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger decided that in order to stop pooing in his pants he needed a new hat. It was just so handy that he happened to be living in a rather fine neighborhood where there was an abundance of exotic hat trees that were just starting to bloom. There had just been a terrible hat famine where no hat could be found in all of Antarctica which was where all finest hats were sourced, so finding a hat or rather having a beautiful abundance of them was a rarity. There were all kinds of wonderful hats, there were little yellow polka dotted hats small enough for a Pray Mantis, there were jelly-bean scented hats perfectly fitted for a domestic cat, and hat shaped hats! Gregory Wackle- Zigger-Zagger was in hat heaven! He skipped and laughed and churped and chuckled as he danced his way down the street trying on all the wonderful exotic hats.
Suddenly an orange box shaped hat with fairy wings darted past him. As it flew past it sprinkled glitter and star shaped biscuit crumbs for the birds who nested in the trees.
"What a fine hat that is!" cried Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger "That looks like the perfect hat to wear during my yodelling practice!"
So he ran as fast as his twenty-eight alien legs would carry him. He ran and ran chasing that marvelous hat until finally he caught it in his tentacle-like fingers.
As he tried on that orange box shaped hat that sprinkled glitter and star shaped biscuit crumbs he was completely and utterly transformed into a green badger. It was a magic hat!
Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger stood and wiggled his new tale and tapped his badger claws together with glee, he'd always wanted to be a badger and being a green badger was even better, as green was rather fashionable and he knew every human and every elephant and every mouse would love him for it!
So he hurried home to his caravan and prepared himself for yodelling practice. He wiggled his tail and began to yodel and as soon as he opened his mouth out came an entire choir of yodelling fleas!
All the humans, and all of the elephants and all of the mice of planet Earth heard Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zaggers choir of fleas and flocked to his caravan to hear them sing.
Gregory Wackle-Zigger-Zagger simply loved being a green badger so much, and having his own choir of yodelling fleas that he wore his magic orange box shaped hat for the rest of his life.
And because he had fleas doing his yodelling for him, he no longer had the urge to poo his pants in public.
It was a dream come true!
THE END!
Thursday, 7 June 2012
The weather outside is frightful!
Well the heavens opened up yesterday and took a massive dump on the whole of the south island yesterday and within the first week of winter!! I think we're in for a hard one this year!
The snow has given us a good hiding, some homes are without power, at our house we have internet but no phoneline (which means lack of contact with my mummy dearest, if you're reading this Ma, I'm still alive!!) and the garden is a shambles! Normally I wouldn't give a flying fart in a vacuum cleaner about the garden, but considering that I'm now boarding with Mummy T. who stresses all the time about her vege patch and about whether or not it's getting enough nitrogen or some random stuff I personally couldn't care less about, and her roses (the ones that she managed to nurse back to health after last years snow storms) have taken another beating from mother nature, I have to pay triibute to the garden! (after all caring about these sorts of things are what potential daughter-inlaws should do!)
The pre-school that I work for has been closed the last two days because the ministry of education saw it unfitto send the little twerps to school, so they have been stuck with their parents (hoorah!)
So the snow has been rather wonderful, well sort of...here is my short list of the pro's and con's on this years first dumping...
Today has been rather productive however, I got up at 6.30am expecting there to be work, but was told that we wouldn't open until 11am, then later told that we wouldn't open at all! I sorted out our bedroom and made it look nice and neat for the Snifter when he comes home tired and weary from work (whenever that will be! I sure hope it's soon, I need my human hot water bottle!) I walked for one and half hours to the old house and cleared stuff in the garage to get it all ready to go for the church to pick up tomorrow morning, I also donated a whole lot of stuff to my darling neighbors because I'm just such a philanthropist that way... and also because we are so desperate to get rid of our junk sitting in the spider ridden garage and we're too cheap to take it to the dump!
Needless to say, I am completely and utterly exhausted! I'm currently curled up in bed, with my laptop which mysteriously reserected itself when I turned it on today... a bit like Jesus really! With the exception that nobody would want to worship my shitty old laptop! (or would they??)
Here's my first attempt at puting photo's up on my blog... Enjoy!
My wonderful piece of art! I made this little guy on my way home from Nana and Grandad's house. My very first snowman of the season! I actually had some random guys comment on him, they thought he was "cool" WELL DUH! HE'S A FREAKING SNOW MAN!
What I woke up to yesterday, when I looked out the bedroom window.
Just to show you how deep it is, this is up to my shins! (and it was still snowing when I took this!)
The earthquake damaged church around the corner
The view from the living room, still snowing!
Yours truly! All rugged up in five tops, two puffer jackets, two pairs of trousers, two pairs of socks, wooly hat, scarf and mittens and gumboots.... and still freezing my bum off!!
Day two, there were icicles hanging from the trees and from the tables outside, the temperature got down to a tropical -6 degrees celcius (possibly lower) Time to whip out the bikini and get a tan!
On my walk yesterday (I don't know why my photo's are out of order)
The church again...
The gateway and Mummy T.'s precious flowers!
The cemetary yesterday
Another cemetary shot... It was simply gorgeous walking through here! and so quiet and peaceful!
There was a blossoming tree on my walk yesterday...I think it was a tad confused!
The veranda, and the crushed flowers.... =(
Well anyway it's past my bedtime!
Pōmārie!
The snow has given us a good hiding, some homes are without power, at our house we have internet but no phoneline (which means lack of contact with my mummy dearest, if you're reading this Ma, I'm still alive!!) and the garden is a shambles! Normally I wouldn't give a flying fart in a vacuum cleaner about the garden, but considering that I'm now boarding with Mummy T. who stresses all the time about her vege patch and about whether or not it's getting enough nitrogen or some random stuff I personally couldn't care less about, and her roses (the ones that she managed to nurse back to health after last years snow storms) have taken another beating from mother nature, I have to pay triibute to the garden! (after all caring about these sorts of things are what potential daughter-inlaws should do!)
The pre-school that I work for has been closed the last two days because the ministry of education saw it unfitto send the little twerps to school, so they have been stuck with their parents (hoorah!)
So the snow has been rather wonderful, well sort of...here is my short list of the pro's and con's on this years first dumping...
- Pro: I get a day off work (or rather two days off!) to do more important stuff like catching up with my long lost friend, SLEEP!
- Con: I don't get paid if I don't work, and subsequently I will be broke come pay day! damn! (also didn't get expected sleep-in because of stupid alarm clock on my mobile!)
- Pro: pretty white stuff on the ground to build a snow man and make snow angels
- Con: I'm an old fart now who perfers sleep over playing in said white stuff, however I did make a little snow-man but froze my little fingers off!
- Pro: walking across town in the snow is good exercise!
- Con: nearly slip arse-over on the ice, and legs hurt by the end of the day! Would have preferred if bus services weren't cancelled!
Today has been rather productive however, I got up at 6.30am expecting there to be work, but was told that we wouldn't open until 11am, then later told that we wouldn't open at all! I sorted out our bedroom and made it look nice and neat for the Snifter when he comes home tired and weary from work (whenever that will be! I sure hope it's soon, I need my human hot water bottle!) I walked for one and half hours to the old house and cleared stuff in the garage to get it all ready to go for the church to pick up tomorrow morning, I also donated a whole lot of stuff to my darling neighbors because I'm just such a philanthropist that way... and also because we are so desperate to get rid of our junk sitting in the spider ridden garage and we're too cheap to take it to the dump!
Needless to say, I am completely and utterly exhausted! I'm currently curled up in bed, with my laptop which mysteriously reserected itself when I turned it on today... a bit like Jesus really! With the exception that nobody would want to worship my shitty old laptop! (or would they??)
Here's my first attempt at puting photo's up on my blog... Enjoy!
Well anyway it's past my bedtime!
Pōmārie!
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